Before having Ozzy I was always told “get your sleep in now, you won’t sleep when baby gets here.” And I always assumed it was because they would have to wake every few hours to eat. But that turns out to be only one small part of it.

When you’re surviving on a few hours of broken sleep and never seem to get a minute to yourself before baby is awake wanting another feed, it is easy to feel like you’re doing something wrong. The truth is your baby is doing exactly what they are supposed to do.

So what actually causes your baby to wake up so often?

1- Their Stomachs Are Tiny

Newborn stomachs are only about the size of a cherry on day 1 and by a month it’s close to the size of a large egg. This means they can only hold small amounts of milk at a time, therefore they have to wake up multiple times in a night to refuel. It can be every 2-3 hours and sometimes even more often depending on how hungry they are.

It is exhausting and feels never ending but it is exactly what they need to keep up with the rapid growth they have in the first few weeks.

2- They Spend A Lot Of Time In Light Sleep

Newborns spend a lot of time in active (light) sleep, they do this as it helps brain growth, memory processing and nervous system development. This is them processing everything they have experienced during the day and helping their brain grow.

However, the light sleep does mean they are a lot easier to wake up. During this stage they are more sensitive to external sound and environmental changes. During this stage they can also make lots of noises such as grunts squeaks, whines and even cries. They also can kick and flail their arms around which can sometimes wake them up as well- especially if they trigger their startle reflex.

3- They Don’t Know Day and Night

For their entire life your baby has lived somewhere dark for 24 hours. They sleep whenever they want because there is no sun to dictate when they go to bed. Then they are expected to know exactly what night is and that they are meant to sleep during that time.

For the first few weeks your baby may be peacefully sleeping through the afternoon and expecting to party at 3am.

They do eventually figure it out, but it certainly doesn’t happen overnight.

4- They Want To Be Close To You

Your baby has never been alone before, there was always a heartbeat, movement, warmth, and then you put them down in their own bed and it’s a shock to their system.

Your smell and heartbeat calm them down so they wake up looking for you seeking the comfort they have always known. That’s why contact naps are so common in those first few days- read more in my post Contact Naps Explained- Why Your Newborn Only Sleeps On You.

5- They Are Growing So Quickly

Your newborn baby is growing and changing each day.
Their brain is developing and making more connections, they’re learning how to use their eyes, their digestive systems are maturing and they are packing on the pounds (or ounces, I guess). All of this rapid growth takes a lot of energy and waking to eat regularly is how they fuel that growth.

So…When Does It Get Better?

It does get better, everyone says it, but it actually does. It doesn’t happen overnight you just gradually realise that you are feeling slightly more rested every night.
The time between feeds gets longer, they start being able to link together sleep cycles, they learn the difference between day and night and find ways to self-soothe.
Before you know it you’ll wake and notice it’s been four hours…then 6…and then one day an even longer stretch.

Ozzy went from waking every four hours, then six and now at 3 months he can comfortably sleep for 10 hours overnight. Now if you told me that in the early days where my eyes felt so heavy I would never have believed it.

Saying this sleep can get better- however there may be periods where you feel like you have a newborn again. Growth spurts, sickness and sleep regressions can turn your perfect sleeper into an hourly waker, however this too will pass.

So if you are in the newborn trenches struggling on a few hours sleep with bleary eyes- remember: this is normal, and you are doing great. They are waking because they are growing at an unbelievable rate, because their tiny stomachs can’t hold much milk, and because they want you- the safest place in the world.

Eventually they will sleep through the night, and one day you’ll realise you haven’t been woken at 3am for quite a while. As exhausting as it feels now you might find yourself missing those sleepy middle of the night cuddles….almost.